A Blessing for Uncertainty

by Lena Schmidt

(11/3/20)

we don't know

we just don't know yet

we've had the fantasies

we've got the hopes

we called, we posted, we bargained, we raged, we wept,

we did, we did, we did

and now, for now, we pause

pause

for we just don't know

and within this pause, this sacred moment

marked forever by before and, soon, after

we be

you be you, and I'll be me

for I'm here

and you're here too

and for this sweet time of in between

for the very briefest of moments

the tippy top of the inhale

the very bottom of the exhale

we just hold still

and still

we let every wave, every wave,

ride to it's crest, crash to the shore, and seep into the sand

we pause and hold still

it's safe to be still

we are here still

I am here still

you are here still

still

here

and so

we breathe and feel and feel and release

because the waves are mighty and really strong and super salty and filled with bits and "what is that?" and "but why?" and "this again?" but you know what?

the thing is

the thing is

we just don't know

we don't know yet

and for now

just for now

between the end of this exhale, this one right now

and the pull of the next inhale

we are still here

still and here

solstice blessing

by Lena Schmidt

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

let it snow sunshine

let it snow light

let us breathe in compassion

let us breathe in the knowing that this year

(whew, this year!)

has. been. hard.

we are ready for that return of the light

that beautiful light from the inside

from the outside

from all sides

the light that shines itself on the shadows

the "we would have done that differently"

the "now I knows"

and the "let's do better"

but also the wick that we light to be the candle in the darkness

the flame that lights the others

because it's too hard to go it alone

because we don't have to

because we weren't meant to

we can breathe in the love from the four directions

honoring the ancestors & their wisdom & land & legacies

love from the north where we wonder and look

love from the south where we connect and play

love from the west where we flow and drift

love from the east where we find angels and dive

and we can send that love back out

out through our hands

our hands that dig the earth & air high five & pet puppies ears

our hands that write letters to voters & turn another page of poetry

our hands that catch the light but can't hold it cuz it melts like snow

like everything

this year ends

relief returns

this never-ending searing sadness

actually does subside

smooth

sweetly dissolve

will we miss the snow drifts?

the surmounting dread?

the "when can we go back to..."

well I don't want to go back

we can never go back

the same snowflake never falls twice

and this moment shall never, ever be again

so let's ring in the return of some hope

hope of some flutter of faith

of the courage it takes to reflect on that we've gleaned

(both so much & nothing new)

let's look up & east & west & down & outside

to see the falling snow

the gorgeous sun rays

and our inside flame like a headlamp in a tent

shining bright

let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

When We Rest
by Lena Schmidt

and finally, a sigh of relief

permission to rest

to really rest

to fully exhale

if only for the time being

we rest so we may continue the revolution

we rest but we don't go back to sleep.

when we rest

our hearts heal

even the tiniest fraction of the width of a hair

so subtle we may awake to feel

...the same

untouched

but also when we rest

we fortify

our blood, our hormones, our willingness to show up

when we rest we remember

our sweetness, our sacredness, our spines

when we rest that layer just beneath the skin softens ever so subtly

not enough to crack or dissolve or leave us formless

but enough

enough to allow that exhale

that full body "drop it" "let it go" "I release you"

and we're left with some space

when the hand is pulled out of the water

the water fills in

when gold is poured in

the seams glisten

and when you and I rest

we rise

rest is permission

by Lena Schmidt

rest is permission

to be as you are

to be whole

enough

as you are

a respite from striving

surviving

doing

it's different from the hustle

different from the push

it is allowing

receiving

accepting

it is built into the rhythm of the day: sleep

it is built into the cycle of the month: bleeding, shedding

it is built into the phases of the moon: new

it is built into the flux of the seasons: winter

and winter is wise

rest is necessary

in sleep we shed

we drop one thing

we release one speck of sand

just one speck that was rubbing

so we don't blister

we sit down

empty our shoes

set awhile

breathe in

and out

notice the clouds

they're passing

unbelievably

tentative

leave the speck and carry on

lighter

grateful for rest

by Lena Schmidt

rest assured

that rest

is not assured

there is much to do and plan and see

but when it comes?

the deep, deep sigh

the relief of rest

boy, it's a beaut!

a sunset blasted across the sea sky

the plunk of an acoustic across weathered fingers

it's the real

it's the now

and I assure you

it, too

will fade

recede

go dark

go quiet

---

sigh

---

and then

when beloved rest returns?

when there is time and space

and a day of okay

my grateful heart you'll find

grateful for the journey

the toil

the lessons

the love

the plop into open arms

the curl into clean sheets

the "not right now, I'm resting"

the "maybe tomorrow"

the careful "I'm actually okay, thank you"

thank you thank you thank you

normalize ease

by Lena Schmidt

let's normalize ease

normalize rest

the recognition

the namaste

the mirror of "oh there you are"

and then

"here I am"

lost in the go

lost in the get

lost in the productivity

...

but maybe it can be like this

hours & hours to just

be

to ease into a book

loaf

curl

curl into yourself

into the little pocket of light that you are right now

knowing, of course,

that you are so stinkin' bright that you'll soon emerge

& shine & give & live out loud!

but for now, oh yes

for now

however long now may be

because, of course, you know

now is always, and only

now

the future empty

a cup to be filled with nows-a-plenty

So for now

let's say ease,

easy, soft, ease

that big exhale

that sigh of relief

that "head on your shoulder"

that "thank you for knowing that about me"

"just checking in on you, friend"

big bear hug of rest,

is the gold standard.

Lets normalize ease.

Isn't it the ultimate privilege?

Maybe that's what we're fighting for.

i am. here now. in this

by Lena Schmidt

and when rest doesn't come?

I go out to find it.

It's inside me

they say

but I can't seem to find it

not today

Is it in my bed?

Is it on my mat?

rest, sweet rest,

really

peace, just peace

why so elusive?

why play hard to get?

don't wanna grace us with your presence just yet?

sure

I get it

so then

in your stead I welcome

not with unclenched teeth

with salty tears

with trembling hands

all of this

i am. here now. in this.

this sadness

this aloneness

this pandemic

this pose

this joy

this, too

this moment

and then this one

this being human is a guest house, Rumi says

every day a new arrival

so, you're here

oh, and I see you too

I remember you

you're here again?

well welcome back

come on in

would you like to wait for rest with me?

oh, would you like to rest, then, too?

well then, come

let's lay

let's rest together

a blessing of bliss

by Lena Schmidt

are you listening?

are you stopping

slowing

pausing

closing your eyes

opening your eyes

to wonder and awe and

this?

to uninterrupted flower gazing

to the allowing

to the wind

the breeze

the breath of new life?

if you're not

why not?

why not stop?

STOP

you are alive

you are alive!

YOU are alive.

so it's now

it's certainly not never

and it's here

not elsewhere

this bliss of breath and beauty and BIG BIG life

the bliss of the morning sun

a morning run

the forced slowness as the dog sniffs

the waiting for the dough to rise

the looking into your eyes

it's all absurd

it's all inane

it's all meaningless

it's all everything

it's all...

well it could be said...

most of it, anyways

at least some of it is...

bliss.

the this

the yes

the that

the back then

the truth of here

the "we'll never know and now that feels okay"

the blistering bliss of humanness

the adventure

the rub

the ouch

the ooo

the soft

the scab

the new

can you, will you let this be the bliss of you?